5.04.2009

Every day opening lines to a Taming The Tangents blog entry run through my head and every day I jot them down on my mental canvas and hope to be able to expand on them when I have more time and energy. I haven't been very good at finding more of either lately, so putting off actually writing them down (online) has been just as easy as thinking of new first lines...
...so I've decided to just blurt out a few of them to get them off my chest and imagine that the rest of my entire thought is subscripted for my 3 readers (I love all of you) to enjoy. Here they are in no particular order:
*When looking at people who are old, I often try to imagine what they looked like in their youth---and I try to do the same for younglings as for when they are elderlings. I'm starting to look at my own son in the same way. Suddenly he is looking more and more grown up to me and I'm finding myself imagining what he'll be like, both in looks and personality, in 10,20, and 30 years from now. It kind of rattles my bones---but at the same time gives me great satisfaction that I think he'll be just as cute and sweet then as he is now.
*I have a guilty pleasure of ordering things online, waiting anxiously for them to be delivered by the seemingly shy UPS driver (who usually rings the doorbell and runs as fast as they can to avoid being caught---as if I'm going to to say anything but THANKS to them), and then deciding whether or not I should keep it. Sure, its a pain to take it back to the store if I deem it unworthy of keep, but if I got free shipping anyway, why is it so bad to have an excuse to get out of the house?
*If I could choose my morning alarm clock, I would easily choose the spring birdies chirping through my window as they have been lately. Even though they think wake up time is 6:00 am, I don't mind their sweet tweets drawing me away from dreamland. And if I could choose a lullaby to put me to sleep every night, it would hands down be the sound of a warm rainstorm and a little wind. Its so lovely. I love Spring.
*For the first time in my life, I think I'm starting to prefer skirts over shorts. It may be a skirt summer for me---which might be interesting---I've never had a skirt tan line before.
*About a week ago we committed to a heavy purchase that was going to be much more than we should ever pay for something---oodles for gorgeous, healthy conscious pots and pans. Laughing. My car isn't even worth what we committed to pay for these delux cheffery tools. But I couldn't sleep for 3 nights thinking about it and all I could think about was how guilty I felt (especially since my hubby left it up to me to decide whether or not to buy in--which was brilliant of him) so I cancelled the order at the last minute that I could. Its funny because now I feel like I have that much MORE money than I had before. I didn't feel one ounce of guilt saying that I didn't feel like cooking on my own set of pans that night and committed to going to Costa Vida for dinner instead.
*Being barefoot is one of my favorite, favorite things about summer. I can't remember a single day with shoes on (in the summer) growing up---well, maybe one pair of pink jelly shoes that I loved. I don't mind having tough feet and I don't mind having to swipe off a rock or thorn once in a while. I love being barefoot. So so much.
*Throughout my whole life everything seems to be blamed on me. I'm quite certain its safe to say that I'm the one who gets the beating most of the time---whether it be in my family, with friends, at work, or in the neighborhood. I have done a good bit of analyzing my behavior as I've tried to figure out this strange phenomena (in hopes to fix something within myself to avoid it happening so often) but no matter how hard I try to say the right thing or fix the broken edge, I still get the slap on the wrist. What hurts most is that even when it ISN'T my fault and I WAS in the right, I'm always the one who has to apologize. Why can't someone else just say they are sorry? And why can't someone say they are sorry to ME. Urgh. Its hard to always feel like I have to be the bigger person when I've been made to feel so small.
*People may think that I am a picky eater but my choice of food has much more to do with how the food makes me feel than how the food tastes. I quite like cheese, and ice cream is to-die-for...but it gives me a superbly bloated stomach with a side of tummy ache the rest of the day, so I choose not to eat it. I think a bite of a big, fat, juicy hamburger is actually very delicious...but I feel so heavy and full after eating a whole burger that I'm just miserable afterward, so I choose not to eat it. Rice makes me feel the same way, so I prefer to negate it from a third of my dinner plate. The diet I choose has much more to do with how I feel after I eat it than what I think it will do to my waisteline. It can be frustrating when people don't understand the menu I try live by. Oh, and by the way, brownie mix eaten right out of the bowl really does make me feel good. :)
*This week I am willingly putting myself at risk for a deadly disease and a small chance of dying. I have been laying awake at night thinking of how foolish it is to submit myself to the Swine Flu and a possible plane crash on the way to San Diego, but I'm putting my babeh's and hubby's enjoyment of marine and zoo animals ahead of my own fears. I do my best to be unselfish... :)
Boy, does that feel good to finally have all those thoughts out of my head. :)

4 comments:

  1. I love it, Jessie! And can I apologize to you? I'll say I'm sorry that I haven't been an on-the-ball-enough friend to get our boys together. There. Does that help? If you want, I'll say I'm sorry to you once a week for different things. (But the fact that you are the one to apologize most often in all kinds of situations means that you're actually a good, kind, loving, humble person.)

    And you know my feelings on swine flu, so good for you. Have FUN.

    And by the way, your baby is about the cutest thing around, and YES, he's looking much too old. And YES, he will be the handsomest thing around (except for his buddy, Ben, of course.) Too bad I won't have a younger daughter to set him up with.

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  2. I enjoy reading all of you fun thoughts and idea's - and a few of them have crossed my own mind as well. It's nice to know at times that I'm not the only one thinking such things. Enjoy your trip!

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  3. Great thoughts. Possibly the reoccurring theme could be to teach you to stop being the victim. If your self-analyzing hasn't been working but offenses to others keeps being a reoccurring theme then maybe you need to start looking at others and see their perspective. It doesn't make sense that everyone has to be wrong and you be right just because you haven't found a solution to your self-analysis. Keep working on it, you are smart and will figure it out. Also, what is an apology if you truly aren't apologetic, not an apology at all.

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